Are constellations psychotherapeutic methods?
Some refer to constellations as psychotherapeutic methods, which its founder Bert Hellinger never agreed with. What he managed to create was something unique. It is not a psychotherapeutic method, but a life aid that can open the way to a fulfilled and happy life for everyone.
Each of us is part of a family system with which we are deeply connected by strong emotional bonds. Thus, any problems, traumatic experiences or mental anguish of one family member is transmitted to other family members, even if they do not tell anyone about those experiences and feelings. If these sufferings have not been ended, cried over, grieved over, anger has not been released, guilt has not been accepted, then the next generations, often unconsciously, will carry feelings of guilt for problems that do not belong to them, and this causes their own difficulties in their lives. These "inherited"; difficulties are not solved at the level in which they arose, in the roots, but are packed up and passed on to the next generations. In many families, there are various taboo topics that are not to be discussed under any circumstances. But what is kept silent does not cease to exist. Everything has consequences.
It´s not about whether or not we want to take on this burden. Family burdens, traumas must be ended, released, so that the power of the family is not weakened. A family is only as strong as the strength of the
weakest individual.
"Pain will be passed down the bloodlines until someone is ready to open it, feel it, heal it, and let it go."
Family constellations give us insight into family events, where we see more than just the fate of one person. They discover and release unfavorably acting hidden ties in the family, collective and relationship. They help to gain insight into the depth of interpersonal relationships and bring harmony to the family system. They restore love, respect, understanding and give each member their rightful place in the family system and society. Constellations harmonize relationships and free the flow of energy. They bring changes to the life. Not only the one to whom the constellation is for, but also of other members of the family system. In order to avoid misunderstandings arising from the translation of the term "family
constellations"; and confusion with previous psychotherapeutic methods, Sophie Hellinger decided in 2020 to leave the word Original Hellinger family constellations untranslated in all languages as a technical term for Hellinger´s original family constellations - analogous to "Gestalt therapy" by Fritz Pearl.
Many therapists and facilitators create their own offshoots of this method. Some focus more on the mysticism of this method, while others deny certain phenomena of the original Hellinger constellations. Hellinger is even called controversial by some, because the original Hellinger constellations really do not adapt to, rather contradict, the trends popular in the last few years (cutting the family ties).
The original constellation Hellinger´s approach was based on was the assumption that a person can develop freely only if he is correctly included in the system of his family, where everyone has a place that belongs to them. Willfried Nelles, his most famous student, enriched this approach with the process of inner growth. According to Nelles, we only mature internally if we separate from our parents, and the only way to do that is to accept them as they are and were and accept everything that happened, including your role in it. He emphasizes that there is no turning back in life and that one does not have to take over all the traumas, habits and family traditions from one´s ancestors. He claims that it is not necessary to get involved in the past, because life naturally calls us forward.
In order to move forward, one does not need to change and clean up one´s past, nor the past of one´s ancestors. It is enough if one accepts everything as it happened. This acceptance will give a person tremendous strength to move on. You don´t need to ask why it happens, but how to get out of it.
How does it work in practice?
After a short conversation with the facilitator of the constellations (the conversation can be completely anonymous, without the participation of other participants), the theme of the constellation is determined, according to what is heavy on client’s heart and what they would like to change in their life. The client chooses representatives who will represent their family system and problem, and intuitively places them in a chosen space. The representatives then express their attitudes and feelings that they perceive from the placements the client has given them. With the help of a facilitator, the group seeks a better, healthier arrangement with the help of short mutual interventions, liberating sentences, or rituals (e.g. bowing, blessing, accepting, acknowledging, etc.).
A release of strong, repressed emotions in the constellation often occurs only through truthful naming of the situation. People often live in their own, limited perspective of the problem and are unable to see the bigger picture, or to see the other side´s point of view. Constellations therefore offer a more holistic view. They focus not on changing the situation, but on accepting reality and creating a healthier relationship with it. The constellation does not promise miracles that will happen overnight, although I have participated in some constellations that have shown such results.
Constellations in themselves are often enough for you to notice changes in your life – finding a simple solution in a situation that was unclear, changed behavior of your family members, physical symptoms subsided, etc. Sometimes, however, the constellations rather show the path that needs to be followed, or clearly indicate the characteristics or qualities that you need to adopt yourself in order to get out of the given situations or circumstances. Systemic and family constellations as a method of personal development can then appropriately complement individual meetings or workshops on specific topics.
I like to compare constellations to onion. We tear off one layer of skin, we cry. But at the same time we get closer to the core, to the real problem. Some peels go more easily, some are as if they have grown on. Some people take months to peel, some years, some people are satisfied with only one peeled skin. But that´s absolutely fine.
Even one peeled skin will move us closer to the release/disentanglement/healing of old ancestral traumas and thus the quality of our life moves to a higher level.