New year, new resolutions?

Would you like to change something in your life, but you just can't make yourself to do it? You say you will start from Monday, then you move it to the first of the month, and finally, well, you can also start from the first of January, right? The first two weeks you stick to your resolution, whatever it was, after a month you find excuses, and after two months you forget that you made a resolution. That's how it goes all my life. Have you ever wondered why it's so hard to finish what you intended to do?

At the beginning of January, the entire Internet is flooded with various statistics and articles about resolutions. Reportedly, more than 84% of people break or give up their New Year's resolutions within the first month. In my case, since I know myself, I don't even bother with resolutions. After all, why to stress? Resolutions have never excited me much, but the idea of learning something new definitely does.

Have you ever wondered why it's so hard to finish what you intended to do?

Soap making, astrological, candle making, sewing and photography courses, jewelry making, Spanish, Hungarian, Italian, salsa. That's not a collection of courses I've signed up for in my entire life, rather it is just a sample of what I signed up for in one year. For some of them, I stuck with a few lessons, some of which I almost finished because they were short. I was incredibly excited about all of them, I bought all the available literature and materials. I joined the classes with excitement and when I encountered the first obstacle or failure (in my eyes) the class would find itself on my "blacklist".

It wasn't until I started working on the constellations that I started to wonder why I get so excited about everything, but even a small obstacle can completely derail my enthusiasm. I have researched in the past and my mother confirmed that I have behaved this way since I was a child. With enthusiasm I rushed into many activities, but I couldn't finish anything.

It was the perfect theme for a constellation.

In my case, we didn't have to search too deep, the answer was in my parents' generation. My mom is a very lovely and admirable person. She helps everyone and people talk very nicely about her. Being popular and helpful was her lifesaving mechanism in childhood. But why?

Children do things, often inexplicable, to secure a place in the family, to earn attention, which in their thinking is transformed into love. And what does this have to do with me? Her rescue mechanism manifested itself as a fear of failure for me, so at the first hurdle, I had given up the project so I did not disappoint my parents. Even if it was making no sense. My parents have been very supportive in everything I was doing. Over time, I became a pro at defending myself why I didn't pursue something, let alone finish it.

The constellation helped me understand that it didn't start with me, but it could end with me. I still love projects, I still throw myself full steam into what excites me, but today I will not give up at either the first or the second obstacle. And the completed project brings me a great sense of satisfaction, because I no longer need praise, nor am I afraid that someone will stop loving me just because something will not work out. My husband could (literally) write a book about my baking and renovation attempts.

Alexandra Alexander