Love, dear, love...

"We can only be free and strong when we sort out our relationships with our family members and their destinies." Wilfried Nelles. Family constellation is a fluid process that is repeatedly confronted with reality, and changes accordingly.

A person who wants to understand and integrate family constellations into one‘s life cannot avoid entrusting oneself to the flow and taking personal responsibility for themselves.

In his book Liebe Die Löst, Wilfied Nelles describes how within family constellations a path is sought in which love can flow without obstacles. Love is truly remarkable. Everyone longs for it because it is the elixir of life, but sometimes it does not bring only happiness and fulfillment. Love makes us weak and defenseless, and sometimes people prefer to kill each other instead of giving in to that weakness. Bert Hellinger points out that love does not thrive without order and is also sometimes a source of unhappiness. He calls this unhappy or blind love because it does not follow order and does not look at the consequences.

Love is truly remarkable.

There is great and small love, love that binds, love that sets you free. A little love, or binding love, loves its own image of the world. It is the love of a child who wants to have his parents for himself. A child, by age, but also in adulthood – is able to sacrifice his or her happiness and even life, for this love. He or she loves their parents so much that they are willing to take on even the greatest suffering. His or her love does not want to perceive reality, but wants to influence it through sacrifice. They are afraid that they will lose everything, especially their parents, when they see reality as it is. Additionally, when there is no other option, they use the denial of love as a salvation. Children are tied to their parents, siblings, grandparents, and so on. The bond is stronger the closer the family relationship is, or the more difficult the fate that the family member bears, or has carried. All family members who have had a special fate have a special place in the souls of other family members. Even if they don´t know about it. Many feel the bond as a burden that they want to get rid of, which is completely understandable. But sometimes, in an effort to "protect" themselves from these ties, they start rejecting the family or trying to be completely different.

A common misunderstanding is that Hellinger and family constellations require love for parents in the moral sense. But love exists, it is a given, and within the constellation this fact comes to light because the solution is possible only on the basis of this fact. The solution goes far beyond childlike love. Great love carries reality as it really is. Just as adulthood comes from childhood, so does liberating love grow from the binding one. We can only free ourselves if we are able to see this bond. Within the framework of "liberation", we are not free in the sense of separation from our family or from what bound us. A free person is one who accepts his bond to his family and the fate that bound him.

In almost every one of his books, Hellinger reminds us that reality must be taken as it is. Reality does not need our consent, it is not dependent on us, however, we are. This beautiful, terrible, incomprehensible reality is the source of our life, and when we are able to accept it, we can dra

infinite energy from it.

Alexandra Alexander